


Random Stories of the Hermitcraft Server

by Solukisina



Category: Hermitcraft, Hermitcraft RPF, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solukisina/pseuds/Solukisina
Summary: Basically just going to be a bunch of random headcanon stories of mine that I come up with on the spot, but I will try to keep the continuity as intact as possible. If anyone wants to add something they are most certainly able to, just comment in the description.
Comments: 47
Kudos: 142





	1. Grian and his Shack

“Thank you very very much for watching. I hope you enjoyed this episode. And I shall see you in the next one. Gooooodbye!”

A few more seconds were recorded to get that snazzy fade-out to work in editing, and then the video was completely over. TwoMuchGrian retracted their camera back into their robotic little body.

“Well, I think that was a good episode!” Grian stated to no one in particular, since the Camerabots can’t actually talk. He took off the small spy microphone in his shirt used to get a clearer voice in the videos and handed it to TwoMuch. These Camerabots Mumbo invented a while back sure made things easier, Grian couldn’t imagine what it was like before they existed. TwoMuch did a little happy dance around Grian as he went back to his base. Of course they’re cute as heck, what self-respecting robot designer wouldn’t make their robots cute?

Grian entered his mansion, and TwoMuch went to his little recharging cubby. The red-shirted builder wondered what sort of dreams the Camerabots have before his communicator rumbled.

**< Etho> hey wels can I talk to you?**

_Oh, it’s not even for me,_ Grian thought as he shoved the communicator back into his pocket. He doesn’t even know why he checked, if the message was about him the communicator would have made a pinging noise.

Grian walked over to one of the many chests strewn around. Inside that chest was various blocks, a Grian head, exactly 47 bamboo in two separate stacks for some reason, and a crafting table that has been renamed to “key to the city” (Quotation marks included). Grian grabbed the crafting table and also 12 of the bamboo (5 from one stack and 7 from the other), for good luck of course, and flew off in a northwest direction.

* * *

Four more rockets propelled Grian past Zedaph’s mountain, and about a hundred blocks from the ocean Grian finally landed. A spruce shack lay there, surrounded only by nature. Grian entered the shack. It was quite small, with the only light being a torch in the middle of the floor. There was only one chest in the back. Grian placed the crafting table in the chest, and a tick later the crafting table zooped away, for a hopper was under the chest. A G# note played from a hidden noteblock and a second later a corner opened up, revealing a large chute with water near the bottom. Grian clutched his luck bamboo and jumped into the hole, and didn’t die. _The luck bamboo working wonders as always_.

The hole lead to a large underground cavern, much more decorated than the shack it’s connected to. Stalactites lined the ceiling and crystals sprung out of the walls. The ground dipped down further to the back of the cavern, leaving only water to fill the dip. There was shrubbery dotted around the lake, along with other plant life and mushrooms. Lanterns were hung everywhere to light up the pristine grotto. But all that decoration didn’t compare to the GIANT TAURTIS STATUE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAKE.

“You’re still safe,” Grian uttered. “You need to stop standing in that lake, you’ll get all waterlogged.” Grian placed one bamboo onto a stone circle in front of Taurtis. 5 other pieces of bamboo were there from previous visits. “Come on Taurtis, if you don’t eat your greens you won’t get dessert!”

Grian continued the check-up almost rhythmically, it’s clear he’s done this many times before. Unbeknownst to him, a Camerabot was watching, and recording with a built-in microphone, specifically used for catching scoops.

* * *

The next day, Grian was working on his mansion off-camera when his communicator made a pinging noise. This time the message definitely was for him.

**< MumboJumbo> Grian, have you seen the paper?  
<Grian> paper? what do you mean by paper?  
<MumboJumbo> The newspaper  
<Grian> oh is there a new issue?  
<MumboJumbo> Well, yes. But it has to do with you**

_‘It has to do with me’? What does that mean?_ Grian thought as he flew on over to the main entrance of his mansion, the place he keeps his copy of the newspaper. As he read, Grian got more and more surprised.

**Hermiton Herald Volume 8.5: G-MAN EXPOSED**

**We here at the Hermiton Herald have found some interesting things about local mansion-builder Grian. A shack that can be found past Zedaph’s Cave of Contraptions is holding a secret Grian will have kept to his grave if the Herald wasn’t so darn good at their jobs. A giant statue of what appears to be Grian’s old friend Taurtis is located in a large cavern underneath the shack. Why it’s there is still unknown, but it has to be important. We will try to get an exclusive interview with Grian himself for the next volume. In other news…**

Whatever the other news was didn’t matter, Grian had been found out! Grian pulled out his communicator again and saw that Cub was online.

**< Grian> Cub!!!!  
<cubfan135> what’s up grian?  
<Grian> can i talk to you for a bit  
<cubfan135> thought you’d never ask!  
<cubfan135> meet up at the hermiton herald**

* * *

“So, Grian,” Cub started the conversation. “We here at the Herald would like to know why this Taurtis statue was built.”

“And I would like to know how you found out,” Grian pressed.

“Fine fine, I guess I should explain that,” Cub gave into Grian’s demands. “We got an anonymous tip to follow you for more information.”

“Why me specifically?” Grian asked.

“Well not just you,” Cub replied. “We have anonymous tips for other hermits too. To be honest we would have followed you around anyways just to get the juicy news outta ya.”

“That’s very shady,” Grian grumbled.

“Well I think a giant Taurtis statue is shadier,” Cub refuted. “So now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s hear why you built that Taurtis statue.” Cub got out a book and quill to start writing away notes.

“Why do you keep insisting Taurtis is a statue? That’s not very nice.”

“What do you want me to call it? An effigy?”

“I want you to call Taurtis by his name,” Grian glared at Cub like this was a very serious issue. The fact that Grian doesn’t even have a mouth makes his glares all the worse.

“Okay then… so why is… Taurtis in a cavern underneath a shack?” Cub made a few notes to never call Taurtis a statue again when Grian’s around.

“So that nobody would find him, duh!” Grian kept answering these questions as if Cub were a 6-year-old asking the most obvious questions.

“I meant secondary reasons.”

“Secondary reasons?”

“Like for ritualistic purposes.” Seeing the confusion in Grian’s eyes, Cub put down the quill. “You mean to tell me this isn’t a pseudo-religion?”

“What? No! Nobody would worship Taurtis.” Suddenly Grian bowed his head. “Sorry, that was a bit mean to him.”

A full 10 seconds of silence filled the room. Cub couldn’t ask any more questions; he was just too confused as to why Grian would even have such a thing hidden.

“Just… try to forget the shack even exists,” Grian waved goodbye to Cub and left the Herald building.

* * *

Grian was about to stuff the crafting table into the chest when he heard someone calling out to him. When he turned around, Cub was there. Annoyed, Grian turned around again.

“I thought I told you to forget about it.”

“No, you misunderstand,” Cub insisted. “I came here to help with the… Taurtis upkeep.”

“Oh?” Grian thought it over to himself, his mutterings incomprehensible to anyone but himself. “Well two people helping is better than one.” A G# note played, and the corner opened up. “After you, Cub.”

Cub jumped down the hole and…

**cubfan135 fell from a high place.  
<GoodTimeWithScar> Oh no**

“What the,” Grian could still hear Cub because of the communicators. “Why did I die?”

“You need to hold the luck bamboo, Cub!” Grian managed to get out between spurts of laughter.

“You never told me about that!” Cub let out an exasperated sigh that was just barely heard through the communicator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!  
> Map of where Grian's shack is can be seen here: https://imgur.com/MAdC3R5


	2. The Boogaloo

Etho had finally reached the Upside-Down that Grian had been talking about. Apparently literally everyone wanted to live there, which was probably hyperbole considering Etho had never heard of the Upside-Down until the grapevine told him Bdubs was invited there. Clutching the End Rod of Shame, Etho looked around to see if anything was there, but he only saw Nether fog.

“Of course, silly me!” Etho posited cheerfully. “I just need to turn off fog to see better.”

Etho fiddled around with his Optifine Inc. branded Optic Contacts™ until he found the setting for fog reduction. When Etho turned it on, the entire Upside-Down became much clearer, as well as the magic of it getting ripped away when he saw the truth. The Upside-Down was just a single mansion as far as Etho could tell. The mansion didn’t quite look like a Bdubs build either.

“Wow!” said Etho in faux awe. “This place is empty.”

In spite of that, Etho flew around the mansion, to see if Bdubs had put a sneaky little build behind the mansion. All he got however, was poor infrastructure. A giant gaping hole behind the mansion! It’s a wonder how the mansion could hold. Suspension of disbelief can only carry you so far, and this build had no suspension at all. Etho knew this wasn’t Bdubs’s build, but this blatant disregard for fantastical architecture laws was too shameful to pass up. Besides, he could always get the person who made this (presumably Grian) to pass it onto Bdubs. Etho firmly planted the End Rod of Shame down, and then placed two signs next to it. One was the **SHAME SHAME SHAME** sign, the other read:

**Can you please pass the end rod to Bdubs kthxbye**

“And the End Rod of Shame has been passed along, I’ll see you guys when we get back to the surface.” Etho took his Camerabot and turned it off for now to save on battery. He still hasn’t thought of a fitting name for it yet. As he stashed his Camerabot into his inventory, he realized he doesn’t remember where the tunnel was to get back, he didn’t really pay that much attention, he was too focused on shaming Bdubs for anything. Etho pulled out his communicator to see who was online to save him. _Grian? Nah, he’d ask too many questions as to why I’m in the Upside-Down despite Grian not inviting me. Bdubs? Wait no I can’t do that; I came all the way here to shame him. Tango? No, he’s definitely going to make fun of me for getting lost immediately. That only leaves one person…_

**< Etho> hey wels can I talk to you?  
<Welsknight> Sure, what’s up?  
<Etho> I mean in a voice chat and also here where I am  
<Welsknight> On my way then.**

* * *

Wels was flying through the large tunnel going to the Upside-Down. It was hard to stay flying, so for most of it he just ran. _Why is Etho so far out here? What’s he building? Why does he need me?_ The thoughts rushed through Wels’s mind. He eventually realized that Etho was planning something and just needed his help, perhaps a Nether castle? _Dang, I should have brought WelsCam if it was for that. But I can’t just turn around now, I’m closer to Etho than I am home, and I don’t want Etho to wait even longer._

Finally, Wels came upon the Upside-Down, and due to already having fog disabled, he could see perfectly clearly. He saw the large upside-down mansion, and it looked pretty good. _Why did Etho call me here if he’s already built the Nether castle?_ Wels landed on one of the windows of the mansion. He took out his communicator and called up Etho. “Where are you, Etho?”

“I’m right next to you,” replied Etho. And sure enough he was. Wels almost jumped off the block he was standing on. Not that that would have been much of an issue considering he had an elytra.

“You almost scared me to death,” Wels said crossly. “Anyways, what are you doing all the way out here? Is this your castle?”

“No, it’s not,” Etho said that like it was a good thing. “I don’t really want to disclose my intentions for coming here.”

“So why’d you call me over?”

“I called you over here to… well…” Etho spoke carefully, trying to choose his words right. Finally, Etho just blurted it out. “Can you help me get back? I’ve been stuck here for a while and I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Oh, of course I can help!” Wels responded. “Let’s see, the tunnel I flew over here in was… oh no”

“Oh no?” Etho looked at Wels quizzically. “Don’t tell me you-“

“I was too lost in thought as to why you would be all the way out here, and then caught completely off-guard by the castle.”

“I think it’s a mansion, actually.”

“Do you want to call over a third per-“

“No, absolutely not.” Etho interjected, surprising Wels for the second time in under ten minutes. “Don’t you think it’s weird that two people have lost their way? A powerful magical aura must be surrounding this place, messing with our senses of direction and memory! …Plus we would never hear the end of this if we called a third person. I assume you didn’t bring a spare Nether portal?”

“No, didn’t bring anything except the basics. Didn’t even bring WelsCam. Even if I had brought a spare, we’d just be stuck in the Overworld, since we’re so far out from anything else.”

“Right. Then our only option is to explore.”

Etho and Wels flew over to a more easily navigable area of the Nether, where they wouldn’t be in fear of falling into lava if their elytras broke. They decided to just explore, and if they found a bastion or a fortress to loot it. An hour passed, or what can be aptly described as an hour. Clocks don’t work in the Nether so it’s hard to tell.

A weird noise draws Wels’s attention. It’s a noise Wels has never heard before. “Did you hear that noise?”

“Yeah, stay safe.”

Wels rounded the corner where the noise seemed to have come from. There was nothing there. “Could have just been some ambience the-“

“What?” Etho asked obliviously, for right behind him was a ghostlike figure, it was undoubtedly, unmistakably

_**THE BOOGALOO** _

“Etho, turn around.” Etho turned around. A few seconds of silence passed.

“We run now, right?”

At that, Etho and Wels broke out in a run, the Boogaloo chasing after them, floating just a bit off the ground. Etho and Wels made sure to stick together so they didn’t lose each other. Occasionally they would look back, just to see the Boogaloo still after them. Thankfully, they were gaining some ground, enough for Wels to regain some hunger. A Ghast started shooting at them, and they were not about to try to confront it. Fortunately, there was a bastion nearby. Etho and Wels ducked in and the Ghast stopped firing, having lost sight of them.

“I have a plan,” Etho declared. “We start mining a tunnel through the netherrack. I think the Boogaloo lost us for now, but better to be safe than sorry.”

“Yeah that’ll… work for now,” Wels panted.

Etho started mining a hole through the netherrack, and when they were a few blocks in, Wels blocked the hole up, preventing the Boogaloo from seeing them.

* * *

About 20 minutes passed, Wels took over for Etho in mining. Not because Etho’s pick broke, but because Etho was doing all the work with Wels just kind of being there. Suddenly Wels stopped mining.

“I just realized something, Etho. We could have just used coordinates to bring us back.”

“……………………………………Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Yeah that makes more sense than exploring.”

Looking at their coords, Wels changed trajectory, to start mining over towards the Shopping District portal. It took another 20 minutes, but luckily they had been going in a correct direction, so it didn’t take long before they finally broke out of a wall, in a much more recognizable place. As they went up to the portal, Etho came to a full stop.

“Wels, you said you didn’t bring along your Camerabot.”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Well I wasn’t recording that whole thing either.”

“Why is that important?”

“We could have shown Keralis!”

“We just barely escaped with our lives and you’re most worried about showing Keralis?” Wels asked.

* * *

“We saw the Boogaloo,” Wels said.

“Oh no, not this again,” Keralis sighed. “I didn’t fall for it back then and I won’t fall for it now.”

“It’s true! We definitely saw the Boogaloo!”

“Do you have proof?” Keralis questioned. At that, a bit of silence fell on the duo. Wels in particular tried to look everywhere but at Keralis.

“You were right, Etho. This office is really opulent,” Wels was trying his best to avoid the question.

“I’ve read the changelogs at this point, and not once does it say ‘Boogabooga’.”

“Yeah, whatever. I know we saw the Boogaloo, but I’m not gonna bother you any more than this.” Etho bid farewell and flew off, with Wels also saying a “Goodbye” before following him.

Keralis watched them fly into the sunset before it became a sunrise as Bdubs went to sleep. Keralis turned back around and went to another floor of his skyscraper. In it was a closet full of different types of clothing, including a Boogaloo costume.

_Was I really that scary?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!
> 
> Make sure to suggest stories in the comments, I only have so many ideas and I don't want this to end without at least getting a story with each hermit.


	3. The Scar Constitutional Act of Protection

The Shopping District was still mostly an unsavory dull colour of purple. Mycelium did its job to convey a sense of alienation from your typical grass and stone, but it’s insanely hard to work with, especially if one bases their entire economic infrastructure on top of a giant slab of it. The shops are supposed to clash with other shops, not the Earth itself!

Scar pondered other ways to rid the Shopping District of the evil plaguing it. Although his ponderings were not as profound as the previous paragraph posited, they were more along the lines of ‘ _Mycelium bad. You know what isn’t bad? The taste of diamonds.’_ Scar licked the valuable, and yet delectable, shiny rock. Scar has not yet found out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a diamond. ‘ _How do I figure out a way to protect the eyes of the people?’_

At the moment he thought ‘protect’, Scar licked the rarest layer of diamond: The Smart Layer. The Smart Layer bestows one (1) good thought upon those who lick upon it, and that was exactly what happened with Scar. The word ‘protect’ visualized itself within his mind. _‘How do I figure out a way to protect THE PEOPLE?'_

“I’ve just had an epiphany!” Scar boldly claimed. He jumped out of his seat on the diamond throne, waking up a sleeping Bdubs (as a Bdubs is wont to do). “Whaz happenin’ to Tiffany?” the still fazed Bdubs asked.

With an elated expression on his face, Scar grabbed the Bdubs and shook the sopor out of him. “Epiphany!”

“Gesundheit!” the Bdubs exclaimed. He pulled himself away from the mean and scary shakemonster.

“As you know, I am the mayor,” Scar stated (with a quick ‘Congratulations’ from the Bdubs). “And as mayor, it is my duty to protect the hermits when they are shopping.”

“But aren’t most of the shops on mushroom territory?”

“Yes, but what about protecting from the shops themselves?”

“Hmm… People CAN be pretty stupid sometimes…” After the Bdubs mulled it over a bit, he came to a conclusion. “Well I don’t see why not! But wait, who’s going to do the protecting? You have all your mayor-y things going on, and I-uh-I’m very busy with my own stuff! Yes yes, very busy!”

“Yes, you do seem like a busy guy.”

“Ooh! How about Joe? He’s already doing some of that protecting with the dogs, maybe-“

“No thank you!” Joe called out from his office. “If I may make a suggestion, how about False?”

“False huh?” Scar licked the diamond again to signify he was in thought. “Well her campaign was about protecting people.”

“Uh-huh. She’s definitely got some expertise lying around,” the Bdubs agreed. “But we can’t just hire False here and now, the other hermits have to be okay with it too.” At that, both of their communicators pinged.

**< joehillssays> Hey everyone, Scar and Bdubs are contemplating False to be protector of the things  
<falsesymmetry> Me?  
<joehillssays> Say “Aye” if you would like her to be  
<Xisuma> Aye  
<Tango> i dont see anyone else running  
<Keralis1> aye-aye captain!  
<iJevin> aye.  
<iskall85> what’s this?  
<iskall85> also aye  
<VintageBeef> Sure  
<ZombieCleo> aye  
<Rendog> the rendiggitydog says aye  
<joehillssays> That wasn’t an “aye”, Beef  
<MumboJumbo> Aye, I guess  
<xBCrafted> aye  
<Tango> oh i was supposed to say aye  
<Tango> aye  
<joehillssays> And Impulse is AFK, so that’s 9 “Aye”s and 1 “Sure”  
<joehillssays> So going by democratic law, False you are now elected.  
<falsesymmetry> Hooray?**

“Well that solves that problem then.”

* * *

“So let me get this straight,” led False. “You want me to… do what exactly?”

“I want the people to feel as safe as they possibly can be while shopping,” Scar replied.

“Well, I feel pretty safe in the Shopping District,” False said.

“Anyways, it’s important to make sure the shops are up to standard.” (“Oh yeah, for sure, like this one time Impulse built a beacon shop that obstru-“)

“And what are those standards, exactly?”

“Oh, well you see, uhh,” Scar started licking the diamond again. “Well for one it can’t have any harmful, harm-stuff, around, at least not in a place where the hermits could be harmed. That’s a big no-no.” (“-and so I had to go talk to Impulse person-“)

“You should be writing this in a book,” False suggested.

“I totally should!” Scar flew up to the Dogcatcher Office. “Joe, you’re a wordy guy, you got any not-written-in books lying around?”

“Of course!” Joe tossed a book over to Scar, who didn’t quite catch it. “You can ask again anytime, pal.”

“Thank you!” (“-and he was like ‘I don’t actually have the resources for all this stuff.’”) “So, let’s see… No harmful baddies, at least within reach of hermits. That wording will have to be changed later, after all the laws are written.”

“How about that, but for other shops too,” False added. “I doubt anyone will try to harm a shop with a shop unless it’s a big thing.”

“Ooh yeah, that’s going on there.” Scar scribbled the idea down. “Above… but… shop…”

“-he finally gave in and accepted my amazing shop. Now what are we talking about? Ooh what if one of the rules is that you can’t make a very complex shop. A shop that takes 30 pages to explain how to use it is bad enough, but if hermits can’t properly use the shop? Well that’s just no good.”

“Bdubs, you really are a rollercoaster sometimes,” Scar said, but he still put that rule in there.

“So is that every rule?” asked False. “Because that doesn’t seem too hard, I just need to evaluate shops then.”

“Wait one more rule!” Scar declared. A little voice in his head was giving him an idea. ‘ _An ender chest in every shop, lest it not be cream o’ the crop!’_ it said. Scar wrote that down too. “And that should be every rule. Here you go!”

“Alright, well before I start my job, I have a particular shop I want to evaluate first,” False looked at Bdubs. “And it requires me to speak with the owners.”

* * *

“Dang, you even managed to wrangle Impulse out of his AFK nap for this,” Tango remarked.

“Bdubs said this was urgent, and I don’t remember seeing False’s name in the chest,” Impulse speculated. “So what exactly is this job?

“Well, it is a job for both you and me,” False answered but not really. “I was recently elected to oversee protection of the hermits as they shop, and your service worried me the most-“

“What do you mean it worries you?” Tango interjected. “Didn’t we do a good enough job with you before?”

“You wrote ‘Vote Scar’,” False replied. “Besides, I wasn’t actually around when you were working. Here, I want to watch you. How else am I supposed to see if you comply with SCAP?”

“SCAP?” Bdubs asked. Tango seemed a little nervous at the name.

“Scar Constitutional Act of Protection. It’s a name I came up with when we were getting here. Anyways, I’ve built a little dirt house for you to blow up.”

“Alright, we can do a dirt house, yeah!”

_Some redstoning and Boomers patented arguing later…_

“Alright, that should be good,” Tango affirmed. “Just got a simple TNT cannon here to blow it up from a distance. Everyone stand back, I’m going to activate it now!”

Everyone took a few steps away from the cannon, but not too many steps, since that would make them be next to the dirt house they were trying to blow up.

“Are you sure it’s going to be okay to stand in the range of fire?” False questioned.

“Oh, don’t worry it’s going to be fine!” Bdubs stated. “Besides, it’ll make for a great shot! I already got WellsGlazes up there to get an aerial view!”

Tango pressed the button and ran over to where the others were standing. They all watched the TNT get dispersed and…

“Weird, the TNT should have fired by now.” Before Tango could say anything else, the TNT got fired off, and blew up directly above the four hermits.

**Tango blew up  
BdoubleO100 blew up  
impulseSV blew up  
falsesymmetry blew up**

Also everybody said, “Oh no!” in various levels of scream when it happened.

“What happened?!”  
“I don’t know I – ohhh, I must have put the slightest bit of delay on the repeaters!”  
“This doesn’t look great, does it?”  
“Nope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My excuses as to why False suddenly isn't doing her job as it is written anymore when she's testing the Boomers is because:  
> \- The Boomers are unique in that what they're selling is consistently lethal, so False had to make sure that they could have things under control  
> \- I wanted a more complex reason as to why everyone blew up, rather than it just being a TNT minecart at the Boomers shop  
> \- I kinda sorta forgot what the Boomers shop looked like and I can't really test it without knowing and I also didn't really want to go watch a video to get it.
> 
> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!  
> Make sure to comment ideas for future stories, I've kinda ran out of them for the short term


	4. Hitman v Hitman

Ah, the smell of the Hermitcraft server. It was a very distinct smell, one that Jessassin could never forget, even after so little time on it. It’s also a smell that for some reason carries over between worlds. But Jess wasn’t on the server to smell. He was here as a contract killer. The higher-ups over at the secret organization Jess works at – “Assassin’s Creed” – have gotten him to take a job on the Hermitcraft server.

Jess had manually turned his communicator off, to render him 'offline' and mask his presence on the server. This also came with the benefit of being completely anonymous, even if he killed someone. Although, some problems could arise from being without the other comm functions.

Jess took out his crossbow and loaded it. He wasn’t quite used to the weapon yet, but it certainly prevented the strain of keeping a bowstring loaded. As he was looking around for his target, his eyes locked onto some movement behind a house. It could have just been a cow, but the motions looked pretty human. He focused attention on that spot, if it’s just a mob then little time would have been wasted. But if it was HIM…

Jess zoomed in. It was indeed a person; he could see the nametag. But he couldn’t tell who it belonged to. The thing with Hermitcraft was anyone can be at anyone’s base for any reason. Jess shot off a bolt in an attempt to lure out whoever it is. Whoever it was took the bait, and poked their body around the corner and… _Oh. Oh no._

* * *

Iskall heard something stick into the ground near him. Upon closer inspection, it was a crossbow bolt. If it were just a normal arrow it could have been a skeleton, but this was obviously a Player. _Have I already been found out? That would be my fastest failed hit since Grian._ Curious, Iskall peeked out from his hiding spot to try to calculate the trajectory of the bolt. With some deduction, he concluded that the only place it could have been fired from is up on that hill. He couldn’t see if there was anyone up there, but he’d definitely been found out, or at least if not before, then he was now after exposing his entire body. So Iskall flew up to the hill.

When he got to the hill, he was met with someone he never would have expected. “Jessassin?!”

“Of all the people to meet here,” Jess muttered. “So how have you been?”

“Don’t start with that,” Iskall spat. “We’re still in rival hitman groups.”

“Ah yes, about that, I don’t suppose we got the same target, that would be ridiculous!”

“Well why else would we both be here? Unless you just want to chat with xB. Offline, might I add.”

“Oh come on, did you really just casually namedrop the target like that?” Jess sounded annoyed. “I was trying to keep myself from thinking ‘xB’. Helps with, um, composure. Because xB’s my friend I don’t want to get nervous knowing I’m killing a friend! Totally wasn’t keeping it a secret for a dramatic reveal…” That last sentence was very quiet, so Iskall wasn’t sure if he had heard it right.

“Can our groups at least TRY to pick different people?” Iskall grumbled. “Hey, wait a minute, what do you mean composure? He’ll just respawn! The whole point of this is just for fun!”

“I have morals, Iskall!” Jess spun around and crossed his arms.

“Whatever,” Iskall ran to be in front of Jess again. “Bet I can kill xB first!”

“You’re on. But first let’s get hidden again. Can’t have both of us in the same place.”

* * *

It took the hitmen five hiding-spot-switches before xB finally arrived at Casa. Jess took a position inside of the 7-Eleven, while Iskall took a different approach by burrowing into the ground and leaving a small gap open to shoot arrows out of. xB touched down and stood still for a bit, before he hid behind a tree, just barely uncentered from it. Jess and Iskall both had an easy shot from where they were, but it was very weird what xB was doing.

To prevent being “online”, Jess had instead taken out his Camerabot - an old model that didn’t have online functionality - and sent it over to Iskall, who had sent over his own. When Jess spoke into a hidden microphone like a stereotypical spy, it would be transmitted through the Camerabot. This exchange was done for trash talking and very rarely actual communication.

“What’s he doing?” Jess asked in a shining example of this coveted communication.

“Don’t you know?” Iskall replied incredulously. “He does this for the start of his videos now. He hides somewhere and asks his viewers to find him. I’m surprised he hasn’t put himself in a ‘Where’s Waldo’ picture yet.”

“Wait you call him Waldo too? I thought for sure Sweden would call him Wally.”

“Alright, he’s been still for a little while now, I’m gonna shoot him.” Iskall shoots his bow.

“Oh no you don’t!” Jess shoots his crossbow.

The two projectiles hit each other in the air, and flew off just a bit.

“What?! What just happened?” Iskall threw his arms in the air, smacking them against the cobble ceiling he holed himself under.

“Darnit!” Jess threw his crossbow in the air. “I’m out of bolts!”

“You fired two!” Iskall yelled unnecessarily, as one usually does when they smack their arms against something. “Why do you only have two bolts?”

“It’s to stay discreet! I don’t want a bunch of arrows all over the place because I missed!”

xB started to move again, completely oblivious as to what just happened.

“Watch this, I’m going to hit him while he’s moving.” Iskall fired off another shot, and the sound of a bow breaking just barely made it through the Camerabot, followed by a “NO!!”

Iskall led his shot well, but it was for naught anyways because xB bended down to pick something off of the ground.

“What? Why’d he bend down?”

“Oh my god, that’s the place where I fired at you! He saw my bolt and bent down to pick it up!”

* * *

Since the attempted murder didn’t work at Casa, the two hitmen decided to try a different location. Namely, the Shopping District.

“Wait, why are we both in the Shopping District?” Iskall questioned.

“I don’t know, I just kinda followed you.”

Jess hid inside of Town Hall. He also casually broke a window so he could throw a trident out. Iskall instead went for the sword approach, and pretended he was just a casual shopper. Since Iskall was actually an active part of the server, there would be a lot less reason to suspect him in the Shopping District.

xB exited the portal under Town Hall and headed directly to the Red Zone. Jess readied his trident and Iskall followed from a distance. Just before Iskall got in front of the portal though, a bunch of baby zombies came pouring out from the portal!

“What in the world?” After the last of the baby zombies trickled out, Zedaph also came through.

“Come back here you little rascals!” Zedaph cried out. “Oh hey there Iskall! I got a bit of a containment breach, could you help kill them?”

“Um, oh, of course I can help.” Iskall couldn’t turn Zed down, otherwise he would have to explain why he was so busy, and Iskall didn’t have an excuse ready. “How’d they get over to the Shopping District?”

“They’re cheeky little buggers. Come on, they can’t have gone too far.” Zedaph half-dragged Iskall along, leaving Jess utterly confused as xB flew back through the portal.

* * *

“Thanks Iskall!” Zed waved Iskall goodbye. “By the way, do you have a Zoucher? I’m running a little low on diamonds again and I’m too lazy to go mine for some right now, so I have to resort to capitalism.”

“I have no clue, dude.”

“Aww that sucks,” Zed waved Iskall goodbye again.

“Alright, Jess?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna call xB over here, trying to hide hasn’t worked out for us, so what needs to be done is a direct confrontation.”

**< iskall85> hey xb can you come to my omega store?  
<iskall85> i have something to talk to you about**

Iskall waited in front of the Omega Store, while Jess hid inside it. Eventually, xB did land there.

“Hey, what’s up?” xB asked.

“Well, you know your shop? The Red Zone.”

“What about it?”

“Well it just so happens I also sell redstone supplies here.”

“So you want to strike a deal, huh?” xB followed Iskall into the Omega Store. Jess was crouched behind a counter.

“Well, it wasn’t the only thing I wanted to talk to you about,” Iskall took out his sword. Jess slinked out of his hiding spot and drew his trident.

“Actually, I also had something else to talk about,” xB said. Jess shot his trident, and hit Iskall. Then while Iskall was stunned, xB finished him off with his sword.

**iskall85 was slain by xBCrafted using [Netherite Needle]**

“What?! What was that?!” Iskall yelled through his communicator.

xB and Jess high-fived each other. “Actually, xB and I were on the same team all along. My hit was on you, not xB.”

“But what about when you shot at me on the hill?” Iskall inquired. “You couldn’t have known it was me!”

“Oh, he does that to me all the time,” xB answered. “Keeps me on my toes.”

“And when our arrows collided? I intentionally shot your arrow so it wouldn’t hit xB.” Jess added.

“Were you just lying when you said you were out of ammo then?” Iskall queried.

“I actually was out of ammo,” Jess responded.

“Those were some omega deceptions of doom, Jess,” Iskall finally accepted what had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *vigourously inhales*
> 
> "Assassin's Creed" is a hitman organization created by Jonathan Assassin. This organization stems even before the game series, even though Minecraft released 3 years after the first game. Speaking of the game, it was actually created by the Assassin's Creed to mask searching for the organization. Jess and xB, among many others, are part of Assassin's Creed.
> 
> Although it was never mentioned in the story, Iskall's organization is called "Icebreakers". It is mostly comprised of people of northern countries, above 60°N latitude, although people from 50-60°N are also accepted. It's theorized that I'm a part of Icebreakers, but this is false information, as I live at 49°N which is under what I specified so take that.
> 
> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!  
> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingoma for giving the idea for this particular story!  
> Make sure you give ideas in the comments for future stories!


	5. Wolf in Hermit's Clothing (PART 1)

Joe’s office was… well it was Joe’s office alright. Nothing too fancy, but everything that needed to be there was there. There wasn’t anywhere to sit, however, so Xisuma had to stand facing Joe (who also didn’t have a chair).

“Howdy Xisuma!” greeted Joe. “What brings you to my office today?”

“Hello,” Xisuma greeted back. “Well, you remember my death from yesterday?”

Joe nodded. It was an odd death; not even the communicators knew what killed Xisuma. Or maybe they did know, but it was censored. “I remember, but I don’t see how that relates to the dogcatcher office. You could have talked about it to anyone, but you requested specifically me in here.”

“I’ll get there, don’t worry,” Xisuma assured. “I’ll just start at the beginning.

“So night had finally fallen on the server once again. Maybe Bdubs was in the Nether, or maybe he just wasn’t online. Whatever it was, I took the opportunity to get some shots of my base at night. Of course, mobs had to ruin it. I was fighting the mobs when all of a sudden I get killed by what I thought was a wolf.”

“A wolf? That doesn’t explain the death message then.”

“Well I said I thought it was a wolf. It looked like a wolf, but it was larger.”

“I see,” Joe accepted. “Well, I’ll look into it, Xisuma!”

“I’m counting on you,” Xisuma flew out of Joe’s office. Joe immediately took to the books. The dogcatcher books in his office, specifically. He dragged his finger over the spines of the books until he found the one book that was called “ _Fantastic Dogs and How to Humanely Catch Them_ ”. Joe flipped through the pages full of Border Collies and Great Danes, Joe finally got to the page that matched Xisuma’s account of the dog that attacked him: a Werewolf.

Werewolves were players that inexplicably changed into large wolves when night falls. If it so happened that the night was a full moon, the Werewolf was more powerful. Scientific studies of Werewolves were scarce; the last known werewolf was SeaPeeKay, who escaped testing after two moons. Scientists were unsure why and how these players are Werewolves, as a bite does not a Werewolf make, contrary to popular folklore.

Joe reshelved the handbook. Xisuma described a Werewolf, that much was true. But that didn’t make sense, only hermits had the ability to go on the server. Unless one of the hermits was a Werewolf, but then why would they hide it?

* * *

Ren came flying out of a cave, with more arrows stuck in him than what is healthy. Ren was trying to light up the cave, since he heard so many mob noises just under the surface and it was driving him crazy, but apparently it was skeleton city down there, and Ren wasn’t prepared for a storm of arrows to rain down on him. But as Ren landed at his base, he noticed someone stood on the Tie Fighter.

Ren peered down the landing bay onto the figure. “Who goes there?” he yelled.

“Howdy Ren!” the figure called back. The use of howdy made it clear it was Joe. “I see you got my messages!”

“Messages? What do you mean messages?” Come to think of it, Ren hadn’t gotten any pings lately. Or buzzes for that matter. “Oh jeez! I must have left my communicator here!”

“That would explain why you’re still idle then,” confirmed Joe. “Nonetheless, I want to talk about something with you.”

“Can you come up here first so we aren’t yelling? It gets a little annoying!”

Joe teleported haphazardly up the hole, insistent on using ender pearls, but eventually he reached Ren.

“So, Ren,” Joe casually spoke, as if he hadn’t taken lots of damage. Maybe teleportation nausea too. “So you may remember Xisuma’s odd death message from last night.”

Ren shook his head. He hadn’t had his communicator then either. Joe sighed and pulled out his communicator. Joe fiddled around with it until he revealed the relevant message.

 **Xisuma was slain by** **█** **█** **█** **█** **█** **█** **█**

Ren squinted at the screen. “That’s… a bit unsettling,” Ren agreed.

Joe stuffed his communicator back into his pocket. “After he died, he met up with me to discuss his death. He described the culprit as a large wolf. With it happening at night, and with my five minutes of research, I’ve figured out that Xisuma was killed by a Werewolf.”

“A Werewolf?! Those don’t actually exist… right?”

“They do, and this is what I wanted to talk to you about. I’ve read more than one fanfic about Hermitcraft, and they usually portray you with dog-like qualities, Ren. Sometimes they even go all the way to Werewolf territory?”

“What?! Why me?” Rendog dogged doggily. “Also that’s a very weird thing to base an accusation off of, my dude.”

“I have no other leads,” admitted Joe. “Besides, the fans can write us scarily accurate, but at other times laughably inaccurate so it balances out.” Joe broke eye contact with Ren to check up on where the Sun was. “It’s almost night, so we can easily check if you’re a Werewolf.”

After making sure Bdubs knew not to sleep this one time, night fell on the Hermitcraft server. A full moon shone across the mesa, and Ren did not morph into a horrible monster. “Well that proves that then,” Joe observed.

“You better check on the other hermits,” guided Ren. “It’ll be a while until the next full moon.”

“Oh, that’s just folklore,” Joe corrected. “The full moon part, I mean. Werewolves actually transform at any phase of the moon. They’re just more powerful during a full moon.”

“Oh. Well that doesn’t mean you can’t check on the other hermits.”

Joe suddenly peered over Ren’s shoulder. _That’s weird,_ Ren thought. _Joe wouldn’t mess up talking etiquette._ Confused, Ren turned around, and also stepped away so Joe didn’t have to lean like that. In the Jungle, a wolf stood about two blocks tall. “Wait, two blocks?” Ren blurted.

“That’d be our Werewolf,” Joe started cautiously walking towards it. “Don’t make any sudden moves, Ren.”

“Wait, you were actually serious about this? I thought I just missed a memo and had to play along!”

“Stay put then,” Joe continued at a steady pace. The Werewolf stayed where it is, unafraid. Ren watched in still silence; he couldn’t just walk up to a wolf his size like Joe did. Joe reached the Werewolf, and wrapped a lead around its neck.

“Dang Joe, you made that look easy!” Ren started towards Joe.

“No, do-“ Joe was cut off as the Werewolf turned tail and dragged Joe with it. Joe yelped as he was taken into the Jungle. The Werewolf was really strong. _They’re just more powerful during a full moon_. Ren realized what had just happened and bolted after Joe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet ya didn't expect a two-parter!
> 
> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!


	6. Wolf in Hermit's Clothing (PART 2)

Ren sprinted through the Jungle, following the cries from Joe and the disturbed foliage. At one point he took a shortcut where the Werewolf had made a crescent shape. It seemed the Werewolf wasn’t very accustomed to running through the Jungle, as Ren eventually caught sight of Joe. Joe was pretty tangled in the lead, which explained why he hadn’t let go at this point.

“Joe!” Ren shouted. “Don’t worry, Ren’s coming!”

“Please – OW! – do!” Joe yelled back. A fern was stuck in his glasses, which were surprisingly still on him.

Ren continued running closer, and as soon as he got the opportunity, he tackled Joe. The lead went slack for a second as the extra weight was suddenly put on, but continued soon thereafter, slower than before.

“How strong is this thing?!” Ren yelled impulsively, before remembering his situation again. “Oh right.” Ren took out his sword and swung at the lead, and was thrown off when it was cut. Joe ragdolled into some bushes, and the lead tied to the Werewolf disappeared through the trees.

Joe managed to get on his feet. He bit at the lead that bound his hands and got the rest of the lead off of him. Then he pulled the fern out of his glasses.

“Are you okay, Ren?” called Joe.

“I’m – perfectly fine,” Ren parted the leaves of the bush Joe was in and offered a hand to help Joe out. Joe took it. “I’m more worried about you, dude.”

“I’m good, a little battered up. But that Werewolf is still loose.”

Joe took a look at his surroundings. A bunch of trees everywhere, as expected. But when he looked up he saw a castle in the sky. “Well, at least we know where we are."

* * *

The next day, Joe and Ren hung notices in the Shopping District.

“Wait, why are we doing this?” Ren asked. “Won’t Scar object to this?”

“Well this is something relating to my occupation as a dogcatcher,” Joe responded. “He can’t just deny me my civil duty. The only one I’m wary of is False, she might have added something to SCAP about ‘preventing civilian hysteria’ or something, but I can say it’s better to precaution the hermits about this than let them be unknowing and potentially at risk.”

“You really have it all figured out, bro,” Ren complimented.

 _Not really, I just made that up as I went along,_ Joe thought, but kept it to himself. He noticed two people under the diamond trees. “Let’s go hand a notice to those two, Ren.”

Joe and Ren strode over to the other duo, and as they got closer they found out it was-

“Tango and TFC?” Ren exclaimed, startling the latter. “That’s a combo you don’t see often.”

“I’m giving him a rundown of what happened while he was gone,” Tango explained. “I’ll never get over the diamond trees.”

“Well if you don’t mind, can we also share something that happened?” Joe waited for TFC to nod before handing out a flyer.

“Werewolf, huh?” TFC read aloud.

“Wait wait-wait-wait-wait-wait,” Tango stopped him. “A Werewolf?! Since when?”

“At least since Xisuma was killed two nights ago. But Werewolves are born as a Werewolf, so whoever it is, they’ve done a great job at hiding it up until now.”

“Well,” TFC handed back the flyer. “I’ll keep a lookout then.” With a chuckle, he and Tango went through the portal.

* * *

The server was told not to sleep again, and Joe and Ren were back in the Jungle, particularly around Stress’s base. It was the last sighting of the Werewolf, it just made sense to search there again. They didn’t have to search for long when Joe’s communicator pinged.

**< Tango> I SEE THE WEREWOLF JOE!  
<Tango> its around my base  
<joehillssays> Keep an eye on it.  
<joehillssays> I’m going to fly to your coords, if it runs away, follow it.**

“Follow me, Ren.” With that, Joe flew off.

Joe kept his communicator out while flying, keeping a close eye on the coordinates of Tango. Joe was almost fully over the Shopping District when Tango’s coordinates suddenly went null. That only meant one thing, and when Joe checked the log, it was confirmed.

 **Tango was slain by** **█** **█** **█** **█** **█** **█** **█** **  
****< Tango> what was that!  
<joehillssays> You hit the Werewolf, didn’t you?  
<Tango> i didn’t think he would kill me!  
<joehillssays> Wolves will attack you if you attack them, same thing goes for the Werewolf.**

Joe sighed and went to the kill log to get Tango’s coordinates of his death.

It didn’t take too long to get there, and when they did, they saw all of Tango’s stuff, and the Werewolf sitting down, a little distraught. Ren and Joe landed a fair ways away to prevent startling the Werewolf again. Joe slowly crept to the Werewolf with some raw mutton in his hand. The Werewolf cautiously took a few nibbles, and Ren tied it to a fence.

“Are you sure a fence will hold him?” Ren questioned. “The last time we tied him to something led to you being dragged through the Jungle.”

“That was during a full moon,” answered Joe. “It was much stronger then.”

Joe took out his communicator once more, sent a message, and after a few seconds it was day as someone went to sleep. Almost immediately, the Werewolf turned back into who it was before.

“TFC?!” Ren exclaimed, once again startling the poor man, who thankfully transformed back with all his clothes on.

“So TFC was the Werewolf all along,” Joe noted. “Why didn’t you say something when we handed you that flyer?”

“After so many years of trying to keep it a secret, I wouldn’t be able to say I’m a Werewolf,” TFC explained. “Especially not in front of three other hermits in the busiest part of the entire server. Can you get this thing off me?”

“Oh, right,” Joe unleashed TFC. “Well, now that everything’s cleared up, are you alright with me exposing you to the rest of the server?”

“I’m perfectly fine with it, I was found out fair and square.”

“Alright then,” Joe took out his communicator and notified everyone of the situation.

 **< joehillssays> We’ve figured it out everyone.**  
<joehillssays> TFC was the Werewolf that killed Xisuma.  
<joehillssays> So I guess be careful when it’s night.

TFC piped up, “You keep bringing this Xisuma dying thing, what’s that about?”

“Well, you might not have been fully conscious at the time-“

Joe was cut off from saying the rest of his sentence. “But I’m always conscious in wolf form, even when attacking, and I don’t remember killing Xisuma.”

“Can I leave now or-“ Ren asked.

“Yeah, you’re free to go,” Joe decommissioned, and Ren flew off.

As soon as Ren left, Tango flew in to reclaim his stuff. He took a glance at TFC as he picked his stuff up.

“How come _you_ get to keep your clothes when you transform back?” Tango asked TFC, to which TFC shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get an answer to who the Werewolf was!
> 
> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!  
> If you have any ideas for stories, please put them in the comments, thanks!


	7. Stress And Cleo Have A Girl Meeting, Which Typically Also Involves False But She's Off Doing Something Else (Girls' Night Out)

Stress made sure no one was following her as she flew over Zedaph’s Cave of Contraptions. Only Cleo, False, and she knew where the secret hermette building was. She touched down in front of some shack one of the hermits built. Stress didn’t care what the story of the shack was, she just used it as a waypoint to help her locate the hermette building.

“Alright, so the shack’s here so…” Stress turned eastward, and started going on foot. Eventually she came upon the faintest sight of magenta creeping through the trees. Of course, it was the hermette building, which Stress promptly entered.

“’Ello?” Stress called. “Cleo?” There was no response. “It’s not like Cleo to be late; at least False has the excuse of doin’ SCAP.” Stress felt something cold wrap around her ankle. She screamed.

Stress turned around and saw a hand poking out of the ground. As soon as she saw the hand, the rest of Cleo came out of the ground too.

“OHMYGOD CLEO WILL YOU NOT?!” Stress cried out.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” Cleo said. “Every self-respecting zombie does that at least once.”

“Well now I’ve lost my train of thought,” Stress lamented. “I had a really cool thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Stress,” Cleo apologized.

“It’s alright,” assured Stress. “As long as you have something to talk about.”

“Oh believe me, there’s a lot,” Cleo ushered Stress into the table room, which was the only room you could access from the entrance anyways.

* * *

False woke up. She didn’t remember falling asleep. She also didn’t know where she was. All she knew was that there were iron bars keeping her in. False looked out of the iron bars and saw a very red room. She also saw Tango.

“Ah, you’re finally awake,” Tango remarked. “I knew Decked Out might violate just a few SCAP laws, so I trapped you.”

“WHAT?” False yelled.

“No need to yell,” Tango sarcastically covered his ears. “Anyways, you can’t rate Decked Out if you’re trapped.”

“I might have given you a pass,” retorted False. “The hermits know what they’re getting themselves into when they put themselves in the dungeon. Only they are liable for any deaths. But now that you’ve trapped me in a cage, there’s consequence.”

“Oh,” Tango stuttered and mumbled a bit to himself before he got back to False. “Well good thing you’re imprisoned then, can’t have you getting out now!”

“You’re so full of it.”

“Be glad I didn’t put you in the Ravager cage.”

* * *

“I am utterly appalled,” shared Stress. “I love it.”

“I still have no clue what hermit DNA I got,” admitted Cleo. “But I’m expecting nothing less than a horrible abomination.”

“I hope you got some of mine!” Stress effused.

“A pink horrible abomination?” Cleo pondered. “Wouldn’t be the worst colour I’ve seen them come in.”

“OOH! Speakin’ of pink abominations,” Stress rummaged through the ender chest and pulled out her Camerabot. “Lookitim!”

The Camerabot had a wreath of flowers around its head, just like Stress. It was also spray painted a very distinctly Stress colour of pink, which paired nicely with the baby blue lens that the camera had.

“It just radiates the essence of gorgeousness,” admired Cleo. “Why’s it wearing shoes?”

“Well I can’t just have it fly around naked!” scolded Stress.

* * *

“And this is the entrance!” guided Tango.

“Say it isn’t so!” Zed swooned; it was just too much to take in. “This is just too much to take in!”

Tango chuckled. “It’s so!”

“OH NO!” Zed chuckled too. “This place looks so good though, like the lil ol’ Ravager in the cage and on the other side there’s… False?”

“Oh uh, that’s not False that’s uh, the False-o-tron.”

“Uh-huh,” Zed was unconvinced but decided not to press further. “So I just claim one of these wall thingies and I can go in the dungeon?”

“Yep! Make sure you can hear the noteblocks, your heartbeat is very important.”

“I would assume so,” Zed tried to not look at False, who was very obviously mouthing ‘help’. “I wonder how someone without a heartbeat would play this game.”

* * *

“The only solution is to team up,” answered Cleo. “So the trouble comes from finding someone who would team up with me and also hasn’t already signed up.”

“What about Joe?” Stress thought aloud.

“No, his heart beats in iambic pentameter,” dismissed Cleo. “Only person I can think of is you, Stress.”

“I woul’n’t trust me with anyfing like Decked Out.”

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun!”

“I never said I won’t be your heartbeat,” assured Stress.

“Thank you so, so much.”

The two girls sat in silence for about a minute before Stress suddenly started shouting. “I’VE JUST REMEMBERED WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT!”

* * *

A parrot landed in False’s cage. False stared at it. It stared back.

“What do you want?” False asked.

The parrot only chirped in reply. False sat down and looked through her inventory. Sure enough, she had some seeds on her.

“You want some seeds little guy?” The parrot skittered into her lap, and started pecking at the seeds in her hand. “Eat up.”

After the parrot ate all the seeds, it hopped onto False’s shoulder. At that moment, False had an idea. She said “Help” over and over again until the parrot started saying it too. At that point, she sent the bird out to find someone. “Godspeed little guy.”

**Parrot was slain by Grian.**

* * *

“So I saw Hypno the other day and he gave me somefin’,” Stress pulled out a book from her ender chest. “He told me to give it to you.”

“Why wouldn’t he just give it to me in person?”

“He said he didn’t know where your base was, so he was staking out in the Shopping District for False, me, or you.”

“Did Joe set him up with this? I swear he gets more extra by the day. Why get Hypno involved though?” Cleo tried opening the book, but no matter how hard she tried it wouldn’t open. “What the? What’s with this darn book?”

“He said it wouldn’t open until somefin’ ‘appened. He didn’t say what though.”

“That’s not vague at all,” Cleo gave up and tucked the book under her shoulder. “Well I’ll have to keep it on my person then.”

“How does it stay closed until whatever it is happens?”

“It’s basic magic, I wouldn’t doubt Joe learned some magic to annoy me,” Cleo explained. “In any case, I think this meetup can be wrapped up now. Same time next week?”

“Of course.” Stress took one last cookie and headed to the door. However, she wasn’t the one to open the door. Instead, it was False.

“Sorry I’m late,” False apologized. “Hopefully I didn’t miss anything important.”

“No, there wasn’t anything that important,” Cleo clarified. “We did our best not to say any important stuff without you.”

“Thanks. I’m going to assume that the meetup is over from how you’re both at the door.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Stress said. “Same time next week though.”

“We’re headed off to play Decked Out,” Cleo informed. “You want to join us?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that this chapter canonically happens on September 10th, 2020 because of the Zedaph scene, despite me releasing it on September 20th, 2020. The reason for this is because I was extremely slow at getting this chapter done for some reason, like extremely extremely slow. Like jeez.
> 
> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!


	8. Whatever Happened to Doc? (Part 1: Oh That's What Happened Okay)

**< Docm77> This is an official announcement  
<Docm77> I will be running for mayor  
<cubfan135> You have my full support!  
<Docm77> You say that to everybody  
<cubfan135> I support everyone equally**

Doc sat on his _excruciatingly pink_ bed, thinking about what would happen when he becomes mayor. Nobody really knew what being a mayor meant, but it was a title of importance, so of course some people would want it. Doc supposed it was to be left to the mayor. If Doc were the mayor, the first thing he’d do is make sure _there would be an ender chest in every shop!_ His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of fireworks.

He turned his head toward the sound. It was Bdubs, his neighbour. Bdubs wasn’t calling out for Doc, so Doc could only assume Bdubs was here for some other reason. They might have made peace with each other, but Doc couldn’t help but be wary of Bdubs. Doc fell to the ground floor and watched Bdubs from there.

“My my, when did all these iron golems get here? What the heck!” There was no way Bdubs didn’t see Doc when he flew in, but it sounded like genuine surprise. “Somebody’s gonna have to clean this mess up, and it sure isn’t gonna be ol’ Bdubs!” And there was the sass.

“Yeah yeah,” Doc walked up behind Bdubs. “I’m going to get it taken care of.”

Bdubs turned around to stare Doc in the face, but Bdubs’s expression didn’t change. “Bdu-“

“Oh there’s my barrel!” Bdubs cried out, and **ran right through him.** Doc spun around and saw Bdubs take stuff out of a barrel, and then fly away. Doc couldn’t believe it. Bdubs had just walked through Doc like he didn’t exist. _But that couldn’t be right, I’m still here, aren’t I? Am I dreaming? This must be a dream. I must have fallen asleep on that excruciatingly pink bed and am now dreaming. Just gotta pinch myself._

But when Doc tried to pinch himself, he found he couldn’t pinch his body. Or rather, he had no body to pinch. Maybe he didn’t even have hands. “Oh great, a dream that I know is a dream, but I can’t wake myself up from. Amazing.”

“Sorry, it isn’t a dream.” Doc heard a voice he didn’t quite recognize. He turned to where the voice was coming from, which just so happened to be the roof. It was Jessassin, which would explain why he didn’t recognize it, he’s never really had a chance to interact with Jess.

“Not… a dream?” Doc asked. “Wait, how do you know I’m here if this isn’t a dream?”

Jess jumped off the roof and shrugged. “Convenience, I guess.”

“Does your convenience know what happened to me?”

“Why yes it does actually. You’ve apparently become a Spectator.”

“Spectator?”

“Essentially a ghost in almost every way. You aren’t dead, just in a different… let’s say mode.”

“What reason would I become a spectator?”

“Maybe a world glitch.”

“That doesn’t make sense, why would the world glitch?”

“Remember how we all got to Season 7? We took your Infinity Portal.”

“What does that have to do with it? We got to Season 6 through a portal and this didn’t happen.”

“A portal yes. But not a portal surrounded by diamond blocks. By creating that, you’ve caused minor oddities to the server and the people in it. Everyone who used the resaturator are no longer dead, Scar became a wizard, people who never went through the portal, or even not in Season 6 at all, are suddenly there, everyone’s lost their memories on what Sahara was…”

“Sahara?”

“Exactly. And now the most recent oddity has happened. You’ve become a Spectator.”

“Great. Is there any way to reverse this?”

“Sorry, my convenience ends there.”

“Can I even do anything as a Spectator?”

“Not as you are now, no. However you can ‘spectate’ mobs, which is basically just possessing them. And if you get consent you can possess players too. But remember this: you aren’t the only invisible person on the server. Oh, and I don’t give you consent to possess me.” And with that, Jess left.

“Wh- come back! That just raises more questions!” Doc reached out to Jess with his non-existent hands. But Jess was already long-gone. Doc sighed. “How do I ask for consent from the other hermits if they can’t see or hear me?”

* * *

“Kill me if you accept,” Mumbo read off the nametag of the cow. “Accept what? Oh, is this a Hermit Challenges thing? I bet Iskall’s watching from a tree or something.”

Doc had taken over a zombie and scribbled that name as well as he could with half-decomposed muscles. Doc watched intently as Mumbo took out his sword and killed the cow. With that, Doc started Spectating Mumbo.

 _Thanks for accepting,_ Doc thought.

“What on earth?” Mumbo spun in circles trying to find who talked. “Did I just hear Doc? Why Doc?”

_Because I’m here. Spectating you._

“What does that mean? Wait, why did you want me to accept something?”

_I needed your consent for this, so I asked. You accepted, and now I’m in your mind._

“I don’t… understand anything you just said.”

Mumbo collapsed.

* * *

Mumbo woke up in his bed. There was a fleeting feeling of utter confusion as he rubbed his head. Slowly but surely, he sat up on the bed. “I feel absolutely muddled,” Mumbo mumbled.

_Do you usually say stuff when you wake up?_

Mumbo fell hard onto the floor. Mumbo let out a quiet whimper as he picked himself back up.

_That looked like it hurt. Did I really scare you that much?_

“Is that Doc in my head?” Mumbo questioned.

_Of course it’s me, man._

“Tell me something only Doc knows.”

_If I told you, then you’d know it too. And then I’d have to kill you._

“Oh my word it actually is Doc.” Mumbo paced around his room. “Why are you in my head?”

_So you actually can’t remember? Interesting._

“What does that even mean?” Mumbo asked, but he already knew the answer. “This has happened before. How long have I been out?”

_I couldn’t tell you, man. I’ve been sleeping with you for the most part. Although I have done this twice before. For science._

Mumbo immediately checked his inventory to make sure he had all his stuff at that. While he did have everything, he also had much more raw beef and leather than he remembered having, as well as a VintageBeef head. Then, Mumbo checked his communicator to see what day it was.

“Oh no! Me and Grian have a meeting today!” Mumbo rushed out of his base to meet up with Grian. Today might finally be the day that Grumbot is revealed to the world.

_It's 'Grian and I'._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!
> 
> I accidentally made a multiparter right after the first one oops. Well it's okay, I had the idea and I ran with it and it ended up being too long for just one part, at least with how long my chapters are on average.


	9. Whatever Happened to Doc? (Part 2: Part 2 [I couldn't come up with a good name])

“Alright, I’ll leave you to making the AI then,” Grian confirmed. “I’ll be off at my base.” He flew off in a direction that was definitely not where his base was.

“I wonder what he’s up to,” Mumbo thought aloud, then turned back towards the currently empty shell of Grumbot. “Alright, yeah, I can do this. I hope.”

Mumbo broke a hole into Grumbot’s head to get inside. He got to work on the AI, placing redstone things everywhere. “Wait a minute, why did I put a repeater here? That doesn’t belong.”

_Thought you wouldn’t notice._

“Oh geez, I forgot you were in here, Doc!” Mumbo replaced the repeater with a comparator. “Were you trying to sabotage me by using my own body?”

_Well we are against each other in the mayoral race._

“Right, I forgot you’re running for mayor too.” Mumbo broke a piston that really shouldn’t have been there. “How are you going to become the mayor if you’re a brain ghost?”

_Well I plan on getting back to normal first, man._

“Oh, right,” Mumbo tried backing up, but he wasn’t able to. When he turned around there was a wall of daylight sensors behind him. “How did these even get here? I didn’t bring daylight sensors!”

* * *

Eventually, Scar won the election. Whether Doc ended up truly messing Grumbot up didn’t matter, as it was now living an alternate reality so it was happy. Around two weeks ago, Scar did his first act as mayor by hiring False as a protector of the people. At this point, Mumbo had gotten used to Doc being in his head, and they both were trying to figure out how to get Doc back to normal.

“I’ve ran out of ideas,” Mumbo confessed. “Your whole situation is so confusing. And I’d like to not be the last one to see the new Nether.”

_Fine, we can take a break to check out the Nether. Maybe there will be something there._

“Yeah, maybe.” Mumbo walked over to his portal, took a deep breath, and stepped in.

_Huh?_

Doc was greeted with a sign that only said “SHAME” on it. Next to that was an end rod and another sign that said to pass the end rod to Bdubs. Doc realized he was in Etho’s head now, even though Etho hadn’t given consent. Doc had no idea why he was in Etho’s head, but he could hazard a guess. But as much as he would like to investigate more, he needed to know how to get back. Doc delved into Etho’s memory to find out how Etho got here.

_Sorry Etho, but I have to take this memory. You could always ask someone for help though._

Doc was halfway through the tunnel back when he saw Wels coming, presumably to help Etho.

_There’s the help Etho needs. I’m sure Wels has it under control._

Doc hoped that he didn’t get sent to some other person when he went through the portal to the Overworld. Luckily he wasn’t, so he made his way back to Mumbo’s base.

* * *

Doc found Mumbo slumped in front of his portal, apparently Mumbo hadn’t even gone through it. When Doc came close, Mumbo snapped awake.

“I’M UP I’M UP!!” Mumbo shouted. “I… Doc?”

“Wait,” Doc spoke, for the first time in a long while. “Can you see me?”

“And hear you,” replied Mumbo. “Although you’re just a weird ghostly head. Why can I see you?”

“You expect me to know?” Doc paused. “Actually, I think Jessassin might know.”

“Jessassin?” Mumbo repeated. “Didn’t he leave the server in early Season 6?”

“I saw him just before I spectated you for the first time,” Doc corrected. “He likely didn’t have his communicator on so that he wasn’t shown as online. He was the one who told me how to spectate a player. He might know some more things now.”

“Then I’ll look out for him. Ask some other hermits to look out too. That sorta stuff.”

* * *

It took 12 days, but someone finally contacted Mumbo. Within those 12 days, Doc had talked extensively about tomatoes. The ping allowed Mumbo to get some freedom from it all.

**iskall85 was slain by xBCrafted using [Netherite Needle]  
<iskall85> hey mumbo  
<iskall85> you said you were looking for jess right?  
<iskall85> well i found him  
<iskall85> not happy about it though  
<xBCrafted> Hope this isn’t about what just happened!**

When Mumbo landed at the Shopping District, he saw Iskall waiting just outside his Omega Store.

“He’s just in here,” Iskall saw Mumbo open his mouth and shushed him before he could say anything. “Don’t ask, and I won’t ask why you needed to talk to him.”

Mumbo nodded and headed into the shop, and Doc followed. Jess was up on the counter holding an Iskall head.

“You needed me?” Jess asked. Then he saw Doc. “Oh, that would explain that.”

“Yeah, um,” Mumbo stuttered. “I can see him now?”

“That was quick!” Jess marvelled. “Usually it takes a whole 6 months for imprinting to occur.”

That perked Mumbo up. “Imprinting?”

“Basically, Doc possessed you so much that you’re now able to see him.”

“Wait, but how could you see me if I never Spectated you?” Doc queried.

“Like I said: Convenience,” Jess hopped off the counter and stashed the Iskall head into his pocket. “Well if that’s all you wanted to talk to me about-“

“No, I still have more,” Doc said. “Do you know how I can change back at this point?”

Jess sat back down on the counter. “How to change back? I don’t see you figuring it out yourself. And we don’t have enough content for a third part so…” The last sentence was almost impossible to hear, it almost felt like Jess didn’t even say it.

“Are you going to or not?” Doc snarled.

“Okay okay, geez!” Jess threw his hands up dramatically. “You’ll need the hair of someone you’ve killed this season, a cobblestone slab, and the help of the Goatmother.”

“The Goatmother?” Mumbo asked before Doc did, so that he could be in the conversation again. “Isn’t that the thing Doc built?”

“Yeah it is,” answered Doc. “I don’t doubt the Goatmother could help, but I am wondering about the other two.”

“The hair has deeper cultural meaning that I wasn’t bothered enough to learn. The slab isn’t necessary but it didn’t feel right only having one arbitrary thing you needed to get. Anyways, have fun collecting!” Jess tossed an ender pearl behind Mumbo and Doc, flashed a thumbs up, and disappeared.

* * *

Mumbo was trying to find Ren’s base. Not that he didn’t know where it was; he just kept getting lost in the jungle. His elytra had broken and he was lucky to have landed in some water over by Stress’s base, but now he had to get to Ren’s base by land. Soon, night fell, and Mumbo had to go hide behind a tree to escape from the mobs.

Suddenly, he heard yelling, and he turned his head to see a larger-than-usual wolf. He could just barely make out that Ren and Joe were being pulled along by the wolf when Ren cut the rope dragging the duo, and the two both flew off, while the wolf disappeared into some trees. Ren landed next to Mumbo, and Mumbo impulsively reached out and plucked one of Ren’s hairs and ran off without Ren ever noticing.

* * *

September had just rolled up, and Doc “sat” in front of the Goatmother. Mumbo placed the strand of Ren hair and the cobblestone slab in front of Doc. Almost immediately, a blue light came from the Goatmother’s eye and enveloped Doc. Doc’s transparent body became opaque before Mumbo’s eyes.

“I can’t believe it,” Mumbo exclaimed. “It actually worked!”

“Thank you for helping me get back to normal,” Doc thanked the Goatmother, then turned to Mumbo. “Oh, and you too.” Mumbo went completely silent at that. “Come on, it was just a joke! Thank you Mumbo.”

Jess watched from the Goatmother’s eye. He made sure the Goatmother had finished firing the laser before he lowered the lapis lazuli he was using to magically concentrate it. He turned to the person standing next to him, and gave the lapis to them.

“Here’s your lapis back,” he said. “I just wanted to use it to help out Doc.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And he's back! But who was that mysterious person Jess gave the lapis too? Is it the same guy Jess was talking about in the last chapter when he said there was another invisible person? Of course it is, sillypants!
> 
> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!


	10. Scary Stories from the Hermitcraft Server

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys hopefully I'm not too late on making a Halloween special for this fic!

“Hello, everyone!” Beef began. “I’m sure you’re all wondering why I invited you here.”

“Not really,” Doc interrupted. “We’re all around a campfire, you made sure no one slept so that it was nighttime, there’s pumpkin pie on the table behind me.”

“We’re going to be telling scary stories!” Beef continued, ignoring Doc.

“Scary stories seem like a nice change of pace from all the crazier Halloween things we have,” xB approved.

“Everyone has such spooky costumes!” Keralis fawned.

“I wonder where all the hermits who didn’t come are,” Hypno stated. “Beef’s invitation looked important at the time.”

“I’m wondering how HE got here,” Doc pointed to Jess, who was leaning up against a tree behind Beef.

“I took a look at Xisuma’s communicator while he was in Decked Out,” Jess explained. “Don’t worry, I put it back as soon as I memorized the coordinates.”

“What brought you to snoop on someone else’s communicator?” Wels asked. He never got a response. The silence was only broken by the signature loud crunch of someone biting into a golden carrot.

“Hey, I said to NOT bring your own food,” Beef immediately scolded.

“I’m not going to only eat pumpkin pie for however many hours,” Etho refuted.

“Break it up you two,” intervened Scar. “People aren’t supposed to fight around a campfire; they’re supposed to have fun, sing songs, and eat s’mores!”

“You sound like a camp staff member,” Cleo noted.

“I was a counselor before I was mayor,” Scar revealed. “And as mayor I order no one to fight, even if you’re in the Mycelium Resistance.”

Etho stifled a laugh, but Scar didn’t notice because of the lavishing praise Bdubs was giving to him.

“The witching hour nears and with it nears the time for stories,” Joe informed. “Since VintageBeef is the organizer for this event, he has likely prepared a story for us.”

“Thank you Joe. I do indeed have a story. A very sinister story that will leave you quaking in your boots.” Beef brought a torch under his face.

“That looks really bad,” Jess pointed out, now sitting down beside Beef. “The light from the campfire is good enough.”

“Oh,” Beef looked disappointed as he put out the torch. “Now get ready for the most terrifying story of your life!

  
  
  


“So there I was in the Hacienda, eating a nice juicy steak. I had just finished speaking with Etho and had run out of anvils.”

“Thank you for the head injuries.”

“Excuse me, this is my story. Now, I was eating my steak when I heard a loud knocking sound from one of the other houses. And at first, I didn’t think much of it; it was just a zombie trying to break my door. But when I went outside, I didn’t see any zombies. The knocking didn’t get louder or quieter no matter where I went. I thought I was going insane!

“I went back into my hacienda and suddenly the knocking stopped. I was relieved and was about to head back outside when I stopped myself. I could see my own face through the door.”   
  
“Your cow face?” Scar queried.

“No, this happened before the Spookificator.”

“You can take the costume off anyways,” Keralis informed. “It’s not part of your body, right?”

“...Yeah, sure. Anyways that was my story! What did you guys all think?”

“That was it?” Doc asked. “You were just getting to the scary part.”

“That’s what makes it scary!” Beef exasperated. “It wouldn’t be as scary if I gave it an ending or named the monster and what it can do. The fact you can’t ever know makes it stand out. Plenty of short horror stories do that.”

“No kidding it was short!” Bdubs cried. “With how late it is, I could’ve taken a little nappy nap and would’ve missed the whole thing!”

“Everyone’s a critic,” complained Beef.

“I like it,” Hypno assured.

“You should try telling a story!” Bdubs advised Scar. “You’re good at a lot of things, who’s to say you aren’t also good at this?”

“Why I may be extremely talented, I don’t think scariness is right for me,” Scar politely declined. “Look at me, I’m more huggable than anything!”

“Ah yes, of course,” Bdubs retracted his statement. “It would be unbefitting of a mayor to scare citizens anyways. I’m so stupid for not thinking of that!”

“You are not stupid, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” Scar replied. “However I don’t see anyone else volunteering for storytelling, so as mayor I can appoint someone.” Scar scanned around the campfire before finally settling on… “Keralis!”

“Me? Why me?” Keralis asked incredulously.

“Because honestly you scare me sometimes,” Scar answered. “And that’s good enough for me! Take it away, Keralis!”

“At least let me think of something first!

  
  
  


“So this story takes place in the Nether. And uhhh,” Keralis gazes absent-mindedly at the fire before shaking himself back to storytelling. “Uhh, VintageKebab is going through the Nether…”

“More action for me,” Beef interrupted. “I like this story already.”

“Oh, look who’s interrupting a story now,” Etho scorned.

“Ahem,” Keralis voiced. “He’s going through the Nether when he hears this odd sound, like a WHOOSH!! The sound scares him, and he runs through the Nether, the whoosh getting closer, until he hides in a bastion. VintageKebab then collects himself and uses his communicator to get back home.”

“That,” Beef started, “Was. Perfect! It took everything I said was good about my story and you made it into your own story! Unknown monster, short and to the point, features me as the main character. What more could you want?”

“I found it rather tame in the scary department,” Cleo critiqued.

“I rather liked it,” praised Scar. “Congratulations Keralis, you earned a piece of cake!”

The statement left everyone not on HEP completely confused, while Keralis celebrated joyously and Bdubs sulked as he came to terms with being the last HEP member to earn the highly coveted piece of cake reward. Etho, however, remained completely still.

“Can I speak with Keralis in private please?” Etho asked. The way he asked it made it seem like no wasn’t an answer. “Wels too, if he doesn’t mind.”

“Huh?” Wels shook off his stupor. “Oh, uh yeah, me too.” The three of them flew away from the campfire, allowing everybody to experience a second wave of confuzzlement. In the wake of their departure, Doc decided it was an excellent time for storytelling.

  
  
  


“Holy moly,” xB managed to get out between screams. “I’m going to have nightmares for weeks!”

“Can we go back to Keralis’s story?” Joe inquired. “That was much better than whatever THAT was…actually what was that?”

“I… can’t remember,” Beef realized. “All I know is that I can never look at Doc the same way again.”

“Even I’m perturbed.” Jess proclaimed.

“Hey Cleo, what are you holding?” Hypno wondered. Indeed, Cleo was clutching a book tightly, because she needed something to hold after Doc’s story.

“It’s the book,” Cleo answered. “The one you gave to Stress.”

“Oh right, I forgot about it.” Hypno sounded on edge, but he hadn’t when he asked the question, so the edge didn’t come from Doc’s story. Beef considered bringing it up, but decided to instead make a mental note of it and ask about it later in the next Podzol Party gathering.

Beef clapped his hands together. “Well guys, I think we should wrap up the campfire stories! Nothing will ever beat whatever Doc’s story was in scariness. This was a lot of fun and it would be really cool if we could do this again next year!”

“I really got in your heads with my story, huh?” Doc smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wanted to know where everyone who wasn't at the camp was, here's a list:  
> Xisuma - AFK in Decked Out  
> Jevin - Playing Decked Out  
> Iskall - Trading in a Zoucher  
> Zedaph - Making an Iskall-themed contraption  
> Grian - Visiting Taurtis  
> Cub - Visiting Taurtis  
> Ren - In his base area, too scared of the mobs to leave  
> Stress - Trying to calm Ren down  
> Impulse - Mycelium Resistance things  
> False - SCAP duty  
> TFC - In Wolf form, doing Wolf things  
> Tango - ???
> 
> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!


	11. Finding Tango

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where did he go?

“Zed! Hey Zed, wake up!”

Zedaph could feel himself being poked. “Five more minutes, k?” Zedaph sleepily dismissed, and smacked at the air where the poking was generally coming from. In response, the poker shook Zedaph awake. “Alright alright! Fine!”

The shaking suddenly stopped, throwing Zed off-balance and out of bed. Zed groggily picked himself up. He didn’t even need to open his eyes to realize he got up on the wrong side of the bed today. However, he did need to open them to know who woke him up.

“Impulse? What are you doing here?” Zedaph asked.

“When was the last time you saw Tango?” Impulse asked back.

“You can’t just answer a question with another question!” Zedaph rebutted. “Anyways I think the last time I saw Tango was when he was showing me Decked Out for the first time. It was also the last time I saw False, she was in a cage for some reason.”

“False chased me around yesterday, so she’s all good,” Impulse divulged. “I thought it was about Mycelium stuff but when she finally caught me it turned out that I didn’t have an ender chest in the prismarine shop. But that’s besides the point. I haven’t seen Tango for a while either. No one has since before Halloween!”

“No one since Halloween?” Zedaph repeated incredulously. “Shouldn’t people have seen him closing Decked Out a week ago?”

“X, Cub, and Joe shut down Decked Out,” Impulse claimed. “Joe was mostly there to take pictures so he could recreate it in an exhibit. I can’t believe you haven’t heard of this.”

“I… don’t check my communicator often,” Zedaph admitted. “So what you’re saying is, everyone knows Tango’s missing?”

“They think he’s taking a break like Doc was,” Impulse crossed his arms. “I don’t buy it though, if he was on a break he would shut down Decked Out first. Something’s fishy, I just know it!”

“So what can we do about it?” Zedaph started pacing around. “He could be anywhere in the world! Tango might not even be IN this world!”

“Zed! Snap out of it! We will find Tango, I’m sure of it.”

Zedaph stopped where he was, which was a good thing because he would have fallen into the void hole had he kept walking. “I’m not sure,” Zedaph sighed. “But I’ll come with you. Even if we don’t find Tango, it could still be fun exploring.”

Zedaph walked over to his storage system and rummaged through the chests.

“What are you doing?” called Impulse.

“Well I’m not exactly equipped to go roaming around the server. I’ll need to do a bit of shopping to get geared up,” Zedaph pulled out a stack of diamonds. “It was a bit weird when Iskall paid me a stack of diamonds for a simple diorite torture contraption in his base, but I might actually have good gear for once thanks to him.”

* * *

“And I believe...” Impulse started, double-checking every book. “That should be everything! I can’t believe you paid for everything yourself though.”

“I can provide for myself! I can be a real adult too!” Zed said childishly. “You go enchant that stuff. I have 10 diamonds left, I can wander around until you’ve got everything prepared.”

“Sounds like a plan then!” Impulse flew off to find an anvil.

Zedaph immediately broke his promise of wandering around by meandering around instead. The shopping district has really changed since the last time he was here. Albeit, the last time Zed was here was when he fought off a horde of zombie guards with Iskall, he didn’t have the time to admire scenery then. He stopped next to a shop that had a striking resemblance to a pineapple. A bunch of shulker boxes were laid on the ground, with a sign that read, ‘Free to all except those who oppose the resistance #myceliumgang’ being the only thing to give context.

“Resistance? What’s being resisted?” Zedaph opened one of the shulkers. Inside it was a bunch of random blocks and stuff. “I don’t think any resistance could do much with a single oak slab. This looks more like somebody wanted to drop off garbage in a convenient way.”

Zedaph stopped his rummaging when he heard pistons firing behind him. He turned around, only to see nothing. When he turned back to the shulker boxes, Jessassin was standing on top of them, pulling the oak slab out of one of them. Zed yelped, causing Jess to fumble the slab onto the ground.

“Jessassin? What are you doing here?”   
  


“I’m trying to gather some diamonds so I can experience the really exciting llama ride.” Jess explained. “Hey, I know! I want diamonds and you want to know where Tango is, right?”

“How did y-”

“I can tell you a hint as to where he is. Let’s make it… 5 diamonds?”

Zedaph reluctantly handed out the fee. “It’s better than aimlessly searching everywhere.”

“Here’s a little hint so that you can find your friend/You better find him quick, he’s already met his End,” Jess rhymed. “Make sure you type that down so you don’t forget!”

“Met… his… end,” Zedaph read aloud, completely focused on typing. “Jessassin, where do you even get this information?”

But when Zed looked back to Jess, Jess was nowhere to be seen, instead he’s been replaced by-

“Come on, don’t you remember my name?” Etho quizzed. “I’m Etho, not Jess!” Etho glanced down at his feet. “Ooh, an oak slab. This will come in handy for the Resistance.”

Etho picked up the slab and ran off. Cub suddenly appeared from the hill behind Zed and gave chase. Etho yelled something about Cub having given up that tactic a month ago.

_ Despite all odds, I’m probably one of the saner hermits, _ Zed thought, shaking his head.  _ Maybe Impulse can decipher Jess’s hint, even though it sounded more like a threat than anything. _

At that moment, Impulse flew in with the armour and tools all enchanted. “So, did you end up buying anything else, Zed?”

“Yes actually,” Zedaph showed Impulse the message. “I bought some info from Jessassin, but I don’t understand how he got i-”

“That’s great!” Impulse traded the enchanted items for Zed’s communicator. “Meet his end? Is Tango in the End? There aren’t really any other clues I can think of, unless Jess is a riddle master. But why would Tango be in the End for so long? It’d be one thing if he got lost for an hour or two but he could always fly or bridge back to 0, 0.”

“Well, it’s all we have to go off of,” Zed pointed out. “So we might as well try the End first.”

“Right, yeah. Let’s go.”

Impulse and Zedaph flew off to the stronghold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He is gone
> 
> Thank you to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopardmask for proofreading!


End file.
